Family Relationships in Eastern Culture Spoilers

During a dispute between Jacob and Monica, Jacob mentioned that he is the eldest son and has the responsibility to take care of his family. He has allocated most of his savings towards this responsibility. Monica, on the other hand, mentioned her mother and later brought her to the United States. Jacob and Monica are a married couple, and together with their children, they form a family. Additionally, they each have their own respective extended families, and emotionally or economically, they provide care for them, making their extended families a part of their household.

Assuming Jacob did not undertake the responsibility he referred to as the eldest son, considering the plot's setting where they have savings, even if he wanted to pursue the farming venture, his wife and children wouldn't have to live in financial constraints. At least, financial stability would provide them with more choices. However, he chose to assume the responsibility of taking care of his extended family, leading to the sacrifice of personal interests and freedom. The notion of personal interests and freedom also encompasses the interests and freedom of his wife and children. For example, Monica moved to unfamiliar Arkansas without being fully informed, and the children intervened during arguments between their parents.

After the grandmother moved to the United States, she brought her savings to her daughter and took on the responsibility of caring for her grandchildren. Even after suffering a stroke, she continued to think about contributing to her daughter's family. Therefore, the root cause of family issues is not the extended family itself.

If, before deciding to move to Arkansas, Jacob had openly communicated the situation to Monica, she could have decided whether to move with him or have the children stay in California. As adults, Jacob and Monica should have had enough control over their emotions and actions. Even in unavoidable arguments, when the children were scared or protested, they should have stopped. However, neither of these situations occurred.

Jacob made decisions for Monica without fully informing her, a decision that should have involved Monica, regardless of her role as a wife, mother, or an individual. The couple also argued recklessly in front of the children, disregarding their feelings, as if the children were just a part of themselves. The relationships among Jacob's family members are close-knit, deriving from a lack of boundaries between family members. Just like their house, where different rooms may seem separated, the thin walls provide no effective barrier.

Boundaries are meant to distinguish between oneself and others. When boundaries are unclear, there is an overlap between one's own concerns and those of others. This overlap may have benefits, such as mutual understanding and intimate moments among Jacob's family members. However, it can also bring about issues when decisions can be made for others without their consent, and responsibilities automatically transfer along these overlaps. For example, Jacob undertook the responsibility of his extended family, while Monica and the children bore the consequences of Jacob's decisions. The children also handled Jacob and Monica's emotions and took care of themselves in their absence. Even the grandmother, who had raised her own child and was now taking care of her daughter's family, had to bear the responsibility.

In this situation, everyone is interconnected, and one person's emotions and practical issues spread to everyone in the family. No one can escape these consequences. Conversely, the illusion that solving one person's issues would resolve all family problems arises when an individual's problems are addressed.

At the beginning of the movie, there were two practical problems: the son's heart condition and the need to establish a farm. When the son's heart condition was reported to be improving and the farm's products found a way out, Jacob claimed that everything was getting better. However, the individual problems of Monica, the children, and the grandmother were not necessarily improving. At least, Monica still had no friends in Arkansas. So, the question arises: Did solving Jacob's personal problems make him feel that all family problems were resolved? He might not have even noticed that others had their own issues. Therefore, Monica chose to leave when her personal needs, as well as the needs of her children and mother, were neither valued nor seen by her husband. The presence of a husband in the household makes no difference in this case. The only person in the family now capable of assisting Jacob in maintaining the household, Monica, chose to leave because her individual needs were neglected. This also implies that the family has lost its capacity for self-healing, and without external forces, it would inevitably head towards division. Hence, the collective problem of the farm catching fire temporarily diverted everyone's attention from personal issues and grievances, forcing them to face a shared tragedy. However, as we all know, after family members help each other resolve a collective problem, individual demands resurface, and due to boundary issues, they are once again overlooked. This is the cycle in Eastern culture when it comes to family dynamics.