Nintendo’s Switch 2 and Movies: Too Damn Slow!

The gaming world’s been buzzing lately, and the hottest topic? Nintendo finally dropping their new console, the Switch 2. As an old-school gamer who grew up with the NES, I’m always hyped to see what Nintendo’s cooking. But when this so-called “next-gen” console got unveiled, I wasn’t jumping for joy—I was just… meh. Honestly, it felt predictable, even a little disappointing. To me, it’s just another half-assed upgrade, like they’re squeezing toothpaste out of a nearly empty tube. Not worth the hype. What I really want to rant about is Nintendo’s movies and how they’re handling their IPs. Seriously, watching them drag their feet on this stuff has me all over the place—disappointed, pissed, and just plain confused. How did the company that "raised" me turn into this slowpoke joke in the movie game?

The Super Mario Bros. Movie: Tons of Nostalgia, Zero Depth

Let’s talk about The Super Mario Bros. Movie from 2023—Nintendo’s big first step into Hollywood. It raked in over $1.3 billion worldwide, which, yeah, is impressive. Sitting there watching it, hearing those coin chimes, seeing the mushrooms and Mario hopping through pipes—it hit me right in the nostalgia feels as an old fan. But once I snapped out of it, I was like, “Wait, that’s it?” The story’s so basic it could’ve been written for preschoolers. The characters? Flat as hell—Bowser’s “evil plan” was so lazy it made me roll my eyes. After 90 minutes, it felt more like a glorified Easter egg hunt for gamers than an actual movie with heart.

As a movie buff, I’m not here just to watch Mario bounce around—I want a story that grabs me, not some kiddie happy-meal flick. Rotten Tomatoes backs me up: 59% from critics shows they weren’t impressed, even if fans gave it a crazy 95%—proof it’s all nostalgia propping it up. Compare that to Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse from the same year, rocking a 95% critic score, or Elemental with a 93% audience rating—those movies had soul! Nintendo’s clearly just pandering to kids and us sentimental suckers, whilst totally ignoring grown-up fans who want something deeper.

On the other hand, let's look at Sony’s The Last of Us series—holy crap, what a masterpiece! It dropped on HBO Max in 2023, and it’s got this gritty end-of-the-world vibe with characters so real they make you cry. My girlfriend and I binged it together—she’s never even touched the game, and she was hooked! I’d kill for Nintendo to have that kind of guts, to make something legit awesome instead of chilling in their cozy little comfort zone. (Side note: Season 2’s hitting this week, and I’m losing my mind waiting for it!)

The Legend of Zelda: Ten Years of Waiting, and I’m Numb

Maybe some Nintendo diehards would argue, “Hey, Mario was just a warm-up—The Legend of Zelda movie’s the real deal!” Okay, fine, but can we talk about how freaking slow they’re moving? Rumors started way back in 2015 with Netflix whispers, then nothing. Finally, in November 2023, they announced a live-action flick with Sony Pictures, directed by Wes Ball from Maze Runner, set for 2026. Ten years, people! Every time I’d hear “Zelda movie’s happening,” I’d get all pumped, only to be let down again and again. Now? I’m just numb.

Meanwhile, other IPs from that era are killing it. The Witcher took over Netflix—Henry Cavill’s Geralt is pure badassery. Arcane? IGN gave it a perfect 10; the story and visuals are mind-blowing. These wins scream how huge game-to-screen potential is! But Nintendo? They’re dawdling on Zelda, one of their crown jewels, like some grandma who can’t decide what to cook. They’ve totally missed the boat.

I daydream about The Legend of Zelda as a Lord of the Rings-style epic—Hyrule’s sprawling landscapes, Link’s quiet courage, Zelda’s strength, Ganondorf’s looming menace. I can picture it: Link on a cliff, wind whipping through the grass, a temple glowing in the distance… chills! But then I remember Nintendo’s cautious streak, and I’m terrified they’ll turn it into another cutesy flop, crushing my epic fantasy.

IP Goldmine Locked Away

Nintendo’s sitting on a treasure trove of IPs, but they’re barely cracking it open for movies. Beyond Mario and Zelda, they’ve got so many gems just collecting dust! I could rattle off a bunch off the top of my head:

• Metroid: Samus Aran’s lone-wolf vibe could be an Alien-level sci-fi thriller. I want that heart-pounding tension of facing off against creepy space critters—not just in my games!
• Fire Emblem: War, betrayal, epic bromances—turn it into a Game of Thrones-style series! I’ve replayed Three Houses three times and still love it; on screen, it’d be a fan magnet.
• Kirby: Cute as hell and heartwarming—perfect for an animated flick about friendship and guts. Kids and adults would eat it up.
• Pokémon: Okay, that live-action Detective Pikachu was fun, but then what? One movie barely scratches the surface of that wild world!

And yet, these IPs? Crickets. Nintendo’s acting like they’re scared a bad adaptation will tank their precious brands, so they’d rather hoard them than take a swing. I get the caution, but come on—it’s such a waste! Marvel’s MCU exploded their IPs’ worth; The Witcher made bank on Netflix. If Nintendo doesn’t step up, these treasures are just gonna rot in their game vault, and I’m legit stressed about it!

Wrap-Up: Stop Dragging, Nintendo—I Wanna Keep Loving You!

I still remember firing up The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild in 2017, standing in Hyrule’s wilds with the wind in my ears. Back then, I thought Nintendo was still that bold, boundary-pushing crew. Now, their snail-paced movie moves and kiddie vibes are cooling my heart. Nostalgia’s great, but it can’t carry a weak film—or keep fans like me on board forever.

I’m begging Nintendo to bring back that old fire. Give me a Zelda epic that rivals Lord of the Rings and leaves me bawling. Let Metroid and Fire Emblem shine on screen. You’ve got killer IPs and talent—stop hiding them! Quit tossing us old fans these shallow crumbs—I want stuff that keeps me obsessed.

Nintendo’s driving me nuts, and I’ve got plenty more to vent about! What do you guys think? Hit me up—I’m dying to hear your takes!

Catch you later for more movie musings!