Return of the Jedi is Mid (But Here's How To Fix It)

I love Star Wars. Like, I made lightsaber battle short films with iMovie, level love. I even had a Darth Vader piggy bank. So, in honour of May the Fourth, I sat down to re-watch the original Star Wars trilogy this week. I know I'm late. Moving apartments and going to work didn't leave me a ton of lightsaber time. My bad, but I have finally restored balance to the Force.

Despite my ardent, nostalgia-fuelled love for Star Wars, I still harbour an extremely unpopular opinion. Return of the Jedi is mid. I think it's boring, and overall a disappointing conclusion to the original trilogy. I like Luke's character journey, but other than that, I think the movie leaves a lot to be desired. And you know what? I think I could do it better.

So here's my idea. Return of the Jedi: Gwen's Version.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....

A cloaked figure trudges through the scorching desert of Tatooine. They approach a large structure, partially hidden beneath a dune. Jabba's palace. Guards approach, ready to apprehend them, but with a wave of their hand the figure pacifies the guards and opens the door. Once inside, Luke Skywalker removes his hood.

We gotta trim some of the fat from the original opening. I love R2 D2 and C-3P0 as much as the next guy, but this way, we get straight to the action.

Luke enters Jabba's chamber, interrupting his evening entertainment. In the corner sits Han Solo, encased in carbonate. Luke attempts to strike a bargain with Jabba, but the desert gangster triggers a trap door, and Luke tumbles into the rancor's cage.

The rancor fight is staying too. No notes.

Once Luke escapes the cage, Jabba's guards give chase. It looks like our hero may be overpowered. Just when all hope seems lost, Lando Calrissian and Princess Leia remove their decoy helmets. Already undercover, they help Luke take on the remaining guards. Once Jabba's forces are beaten, Lando and Leia move to unfreeze Han, while Luke faces off with Jabba. They've earned some respite, but alarms are blaring all throughout the palace. Reinforcements are on their way.

As the carbonate anti-freeze counts down, Jabba starts to laugh.

"You were foolish to come here."

"Jabba, allow us safe passage off of Tatooine and no harm will come to you," says Luke.

Jabba laughs even harder. "You will all die on Tatooine."

The alarms are still blaring. The carbonate thaw is complete, and Han Solo drops to the floor. Lando and Leia rush to pick him up.

"Get off of me! Who are you? I can't see a thing!" Han shouts.

"We've got to go," says Lando.

"Go where? I'm not going anywhere with you!" shouts Solo.

Leia jumps in. "Han, we're getting you out of here."

"Leia?" Han gasps.

Footsteps near the chamber. More guards have arrived, led by none other than the formidable bounty hunter, Boba Fett. Luke springs into action, taking him head on.

"Go!" Luke shouts. From the folds of his cloak, Luke produces his lightsaber, whose blade glows emerald green.

Fighting ensues, and Luke takes on the whole battalion, as well as Boba Fett, while his friends escape. The battle shows off Luke's prowess as a new Jedi, and gives Boba Fett an incredible final battle and satisfying death

(as opposed to accidentally being knocked into a Sarlac pit, screaming like a child like he was in the original).

Lando, Leia and Han banter back and forth during the escape. Eventually, our heroes reach the surface. The Millenium Falcon swoops into view, piloted by Chewbacca. Everyone sprints aboard, where R2 and 3P0 are waiting.

"Chewie, set course for Endor!" says Lando.

"What the hell is on Endor?" says Han.

"The rebels." says Leia. "We're going back to the fight. There's a lot for you to catch up on."

Han looks around at his friends, eyes finally adjusting. He sees Luke, still holding his lightsaber.

"I can see that," Han mutters.

In my version, the characters head straight back to Endor, where a small contingent of rebels is already in hiding. More trimming of the fat, and now we get straight into the main thrust of the story.

After a short reunion, everyone is briefed on the mission. The Empire has been on the offensive since the end of the last movie. The Emperor's power is spreading across the galaxy. The last hope of the rebellion is an all out assault on the Empire's main fleet. If the rebels can break into the Empire base on the other side of Endor and disable the fleet's weapons system, they might have a chance. No Death Star II here.

It's some other big scary ship, because in my version the Empire isn't dumb enough to rebuild the thing that already got blown up.

During the planning, Luke, Han and Leia are warned about the Ewoks that live near the base. No one has ever seen them, but there are stories that vicious, hairy beasts roam the forest moon. Stormtrooper bodies mark the places where the Empire has crossed the mighty Ewoks. Now when we do encounter the cute and cuddly Ewoks, it adds stakes, and some laughs. The original meeting with the Ewoks and the speeder chase will stay largely intact, but once the Rebels are able to bring the Ewoks over to their side, a new plan is hatched.

Han takes charge, eager to settle the score with Vader. He will lead a decoy reconnaissance mission, designed to lure the Empire into a fight. The Ewoks, along with a small force of Rebels, will disarm the Empire fleet's shield generator on Endor. Then, the Rebels will attack and destroy the fleet in space.

But Luke has other plans. His presence puts his friends in danger, and the revelation from Empire Strikes Back is still gnawing at him. He knows that the Emperor and Vader want nothing more than to turn him to the Dark Side. After a cryptic evening conversation with Leia and Han, he steals away on an X-Wing. Before he goes to confront his father to try to bring him back to the Light, he must visit his old master.

I'll keep the scenes on Dagobah with Yoda, but by moving them later in the movie, questions are let hang a little longer, building anticipation.

After Yoda dies, Luke goes directly to the Empire. The Battle of Endor is already commencing, and the Rebel fleet is taking to the skies. Han is aboard the Falcon, and Leia pilots an X-Wing leading the Rogue fleet. Han and Leia share a romantic goodbye, telling each other to come back safely.

When Luke arrives on the Empire's Star Ravager and is brought before Vader and the Emperor, his stone-cold composure slips a bit. Maybe the pull of the Dark Side is too strong, even for him. Han's decoy works, and the Empire is drawn into the Rebel trap. But even with the shields down, the fight will not be easy. Heavy casualties on both sides.

Aboard the Ravager, the final showdown begins. The battle of wills between Vader and Luke.

In my version, we focus less on the ground battle at Endor, and spend more time watching father and son spar mentally, verbally, and of course, with lightsabers.

Meanwhile, the battle for the galaxy is going from bad to worse. Amidst the fighting, Han spots a weakness in the armour of the Ravager (the big scary ship that isn't the Death Star). He looks around. His friends are dying. They are going to lose. He makes his decision.

Leia spots that the Falcon heading straight for the Ravager.

"Han, what are you doing?" she says on the radio.

"We have to take out that ship. It runs power to the rest of the fleet."

"Our blasters aren't strong enough to break through its armour," says Leia.

"Who said anything about blasters?" comes the reply.

Luke finally seems to have gotten the better of Darth Vader.

"Father. I know there is good in you. I sense it. Don't let him control you."

Vader, illuminated red by the blade of his lightsaber, pauses.

"Silence!" shrieks Palpatine, finally stepping in. Force Lightning shoots from his fingertips, and Luke falls to the floor, screaming in agony.

The cruelty of the Emperor directed at his son is what finally does it. Vader finally sees the light, Anakin Skywalker once more. He raises his lightsaber against Palpatine, who in turn draws his.

"My apprentice. After all these years, you have failed me."

The duel begins. Soon, Luke regroups enough to join in. Father and son, united against the Dark Side.

Leia's voice comes over the radio. The Millennium Falcon is picking up speed. "Han! What are you doing?"

"Somebody had to. I'm sorry for all the times I made a mess of things. Let me be the hero you deserve Princess, at least once. Look after Chewie, will ya?"

"Captain Solo, pull up. That is an order." Leia says.

"Leia. I love you too."

"Han!"

"Say bye to the kid for me."

Han punches the thrusters, giving her everything she's got. He lets out one final triumphant yell. The Falcon careens into the hole in the Ravagers armour. For a moment, nothing.

BOOM.

A massive explosion rocks the ship, setting off a chain reaction. The ship is going down. All around, the Empire's ships begin to lose power. Unable to attack, they are easily overpowered by the remaining Rebels. Leia, Chewie and Lando join in the final moments of fighting, but their faces are grim. They've won, but at what cost?

Alarms blare aboard the Ravager as the battle between Light and Dark rages on. Luke strikes a blow to Palpatine that brings him to his knees. The Skywalkers stand above The Emperor.

"You've lost, Palpatine," says Luke, sheathing his saber.

"The Dark Side cannot be defeated," sneers the Sith Lord. His final stand, the Emperor crushes Vader's respirator with the Force.

"No!" Luke shouts, cutting off both of Palpatine's hands. The Emperor laughs maniacally. Struggling for air, writhing in pain, Vader swings his saber one last time, cutting Palpatine clean in two. Or he would have, but the Sith's body disappears into nothing.

As explosions rack the Ravager, Luke and Anakin Skywalker share a final moment together. This scene too, will stay the same. Luke's X-Wing is seen flying away from the Ravager, moments before one final explosion obliterates the last of the Star Ravager.

The ending of the trilogy is bittersweet. The Rebels gather on the Endor base. The Empire is finally defeated, but so many were lost in the process. A funeral is held for Han, and for all the other fighters who lost their lives in the battle. Luke and Leia, along with Lando, Chewie and the droids, grieve their friend. The Skywalker twins look at each other. They know that their journey is far from over.

Away from the crowd, Anakin's Force ghost fades into view. He will be there to watch over the last of the Jedi. To watch over his children.

So there you have it. My take on Return of the Jedi. There's more drama, there's more stakes, there's more action. I personally would have way more fun watching this version of the story than the one that we got, but that's part of the fun with Star Wars now. The fandom is so vast, and the canon is so broken, that there are whole galaxies of possibilities to explore.