First Night 

It’s not like I planned to die.

But I didn’t know that when I woke up today.

I just wish I could try again, y’know?

First Day

I don’t like waking up like this.

I don’t remember my dream, but one thing is certain.

I died.

When I open my eyes, I can’t breathe.

There’s a deep ache in my neck, like a hinge pushed too far. I’m grabbing fistfulls of blankets, thrashing in silence. An awful eternity passes before my lungs finally unlock and I’m able to gasp for air. My rasping breaths break the quiet, and it’s all I can do to just lie there as an animalistic terror vibrates through me.

I’m okay.

I think.

Grey light streams into the room. The cold, damp air ghosts over my skin as I force myself upright and scan the corners. I’m looking for something I can still feel standing over me. Watching.

Still, everything is as I remember.

No intruders.

Just walls discoloured by countless leaks, desaturated grey floors, and Kai’s snoring.

No danger.

I rub at my neck, the bone at the base of my skull feeling strangely tender.

What the hell happened in my dream?

The sounds of wind and the distant cries of seagulls pull me out of my reverie. A wall of cracked and dirtied glass looks over a mangled cityscape. Once mighty skyscrapers that reached for grey skies now sit at awkward angles, their facades shattered and innards laid bare for man and beast to call home.

Our building is no different, though the angle of the floor tells me it’ll be safe for a while yet.

Shivering against the air, I take the old blanket off my bed and wrap it around myself like a cape.

My name is Corin and I am the King of the shitty crumbling apartment.

There’s a stirring in the far corner. Kai’s bed is across the room and pushed as far away from the windows as possible. Poor kid’s had a bit of a cold for weeks and so I try to keep quiet as I move by.

He’s got the covers tucked under his chin, but his leg has emerged. He’s murmuring in his sleep, and while there’s nothing intelligible to it, it’s kind of adorable in its own way. I like him more when he’s not being a mouthy teenage dick, so I pull the sheets over him and leave him be.

If he knew I did that, he’d probably swear at me.

Teenagers are so dramatic.

I cast my attention to my right at a set of two closed doors, silently cursing the earthquake that robbed us of two bedrooms. Can you imagine, two whole bedrooms? Talk about living in luxury.

I’m fishing out a pair of pants from what was once a pantry, being extra mindful not to squeak the hinges on the old pressboard cabinets. But that’s when I hear it.

Engines.

It’s a far away, faint rumble, but I know that sound. Tension begins to build inside me.

I slide on a pair of slacks and grab a sweater before moving toward one of the two closed doors. Bracing myself, I stand before the right one, exhale, and turn the knob.

The door opens to a ruin.

Where there had once been a small bedroom is now just a crumbling edifice of concrete and metal. The floor slopes away, linoleum having peeled up long ago. The walls are still wet from last night’s rain and there’s the smell of wet fabric from somewhere nearby.

Everywhere else is just sky, air, and a deadly drop twenty storeys down.

Vertigo pulls at me and my vision parallaxes as I struggle to focus on keeping my cool. My grip on the doorhandle tightens and my pulse speeds up. I do not like heights one bit, and living with a door to the fucking sky never helps that.

Still, it has some advantages.

Across from our building, a collapsed tower has bifurcated much of the old business district, but I can just make out the eerily quiet core of downtown. I can’t see it, but I can hear it.

The faint rumble of engines is still far, but I think it’s coming from the north.

Is something crossing the fucking bridge?

That thing has been closed down for years by the Lions crew on the north shore. If someone’s crossing, that means…

I slip back inside the main room and shut the door, heedless of the noise it makes.

“Kai,” I’m hurrying over to his bed, “Kai, wake the hell up.”

He grumbles and something like ‘piss off’ comes from under the covers.

“For fuck’s…” I pull the covers away. Staring up at me is a bleary-eyed fourteen year old. He’s got the same hair as me – straight and black, but has mom’s dark eyes. There’s a scattering of acne on his cheekbones and he smells like he needs a wash.

Teenagers are gross.

“Corin, I swear,” he slowly sits up, rubbing at his throat. “Shit, this is still going…”

I can worry about his cold later: “Yeah, life’s hard for you. Listen, I heard some cars coming from the north. Could’ve been something else, but I’m gonna go check in with Yoko and her people.”

He slides out of bed and stretches. “Yoko? That’s kinda far… I’ll come too.”

“No dice. You still sound like shit and you need rest.”

He scowls, straightening his spine so he can look me in the eyes. When the hell did he get so tall? “You can’t trust her, Cor. She’s crazy.”

“I know she is, but who the hell is gonna give me jobs and – ugh! Nevermind, I don’t have time to argue. Just… head to the south exit in the train station if things go sideways, alright?”

“Fine, whatever.”

I’m already moving toward the door, slipping on my boots and fishing out a heavy jacket Kai found for me last year. He can be helpful sometimes.

“Stay quiet, okay?”

He rolls his eyes: “I’m not the one crying out in my sleep.”

Huh.

I didn’t know I talked in my sleep too.

~

But by the time I emerge on the far side of the bay, the wind has picked up and the sky has darkened considerably.

There’s going to be a storm, I just know it.

The rest of the city rises up before me. I’m sure at one point it was an impressive sight, but now it looks like an overgrown graveyard. Buildings are like headstones rising up out of dense foliage as though they seek sunlight that never seems to appear. Trees climb ever higher, cracking asphalt and concrete as they grow wild, uninhibited for decades now. As the years have ticked by, the forest has quietly, patiently, inexorably begun to reclaim this city.

This wall of wilderness stares at me, impassive and quiet. The mighty trees that once complimented homes now permanently shadow them.

And from this wilderness emerge a handful of familiar figures.

On the left is Theo. She’s a few years older than me, has bright red hair, and is usually pretty grouchy. Still, she’s always been my go between for all things Yoko. Today, she won’t look me in the eye.

On the far side are two burly looking men, each holding a handgun and watching me carefully. Yoko’s bruisers.

At their centre is Yoko herself. She’s a middle-aged woman with a hard face. She’s wearing a long black rain coat and her hands are by her sides.

“So, you really did come.”

Something about this feels strangely familiar. Have I met her here before? But Yoko never leaves her tower, unless…

“Are you going to admit it?” She’s never been exactly friendly, but I always got the impression she found me useful. To say she seems hostile today would be an understatement

I can hear myself say it, but I can remember saying it too: “I… came here to ask you about the cars on the north bridge.”

“Don’t play stupid with me. I know you tipped them off about where we are.”

My heart begins to beat more quickly. I don’t know what’s going on, but I knew she would say that. But how?

My dream… In it, I –

“It’s a damn shame, kid. I expected better from you.”

I take a step back. I remember her saying that too.

“Seriously! I didn’t do anything.” No one speaks, so I turn to Theo: “You know me, I would never! I–”

Theo’s not going to back me up.

“Don’t fucking talk to me,” Theo’s face is knit with anger, “I trusted you, Cor.”

“Shouldn’t have crossed me, kid.” She turns to one of her enforcers and nods. “Get rid of him.”

A gunshot rings out in the stultifying quiet.

It misses me, but I don’t need any more reason to run. My body is a step ahead of my brain and I can feel my dream powering me forward.

Don’t question it.

Just run.

Adrenaline fires and the world around me turns to nondescript shapes of grey and green as I keep moving. I leave the bay-side neighbourhood and eventually find myself hurrying down a flight of dark, concrete stairs.

I come to a stop.

I’m underground.

This is a train line, a few stops south of the station I told Kai to go to. The space is dark and abandoned, the air close and stale. The train platform is sundered in the middle, evidence of the violence that broke this city long ago.

I shuffle toward the train line, my breath hot and ragged as I move. My body is shaking violently with adrenaline and panic as I peer down. It’s only a two-foot drop to the train tracks. Then, fifteen minutes running and I’ll be at the station. I’ll get Kai and find somewhere to hide.

I lean over and get ready to step down.

I’m hyperventilating, but that’s not the real problem. It’s like I’ve gone cross-eyed, but my double vision isn’t of now – it’s of my dream and of the world before me.

Somehow, I step down before I step down.

My foot slips, stomach lurches, adrenaline fires. I twist and flail as the world around me teeters and dips. There’s a flash of metal, broken concrete, and rail. Then, it’s all spinning.

I don’t know exactly when, but I feel a horrible, sharp pain on the back of my head. My neck makes a sickening crunch that echoes morbidly. I can feel my body fire with pain, but it abruptly stops.

Burning numbness.

I feel an electrical tingle go down my spine, and for a moment I’m not scared. I’m just confused.

My body is limp.

I remember this in my dream.

My lungs won’t expand. I want to breathe, but I can’t. I want to feel the pain in my body – surely falling must have hurt, but I can’t. I want to see the platform, but I can’t move my head. All I can see is the rounded ceiling of the train line above.

I’m scared.

It’s just like when I woke up. I can feel someone standing nearby, watching, waiting.

The world is going dark. I can’t cry out, I can’t scream for help. There’s a ringing in my ears.

Everything goes dark.

Kai, I let you down.

I’m sorry.

Second First Day

I don’t like waking up like this.

I can still feel the throbbing pain in my neck, the electrifying current rippling down my spine, and the terrifying numbness of my body as I tried in vain to breathe.

I gap for air as I lurch upright in bed, coughing out stale air. My hands fly to my chest, feeling for my madly beating heart.

My attention snaps right and I flinch, expecting to see something. I had felt it, I know it was there! But –

“Holy shit, Cor, you trying to make me piss myself?!”

Kai is sitting upright in bed, staring at me from across the room with wide eyes and mouth agape.

“I…” I don’t even know if I can speak.

He’s getting up, sliding out of bed and padding toward me. The teenager coughs into his arm, shaking his head of the stubborn cold that won’t seem to leave him. “You were screaming in your sleep. What the fuck, man?”

I stare down at my shaking hands.

I fell onto the tracks. I snapped my fucking neck.

I died.

I died.

I died.

My breath grows shallower by the moment and I can feel the same terrifying breathlessness return. I pull at the sheets entombing me, belatedly coming to an unsteady stand. It’s like my brain isn’t used to moving my body.

“Jesus, Cor! Say something,” Kai’s teenage brattiness is giving way to genuine concern.

“I-I,” I’m moving toward the closed doors, “I need air…”

This time, I choose the left door.

Opening it reveals a southwest exposure and a more thoroughly ruined room. The wall separating the bedrooms hangs in the air, but there’s only an expanse of grey clouds and skyline to my left.

I’m looking at the same city-forest I was just running through. Tall firs, red cedars, maples, and hemlocks rise out of the abandoned streets. Their branches unfurl outward, creating a coccooning canopy that obscures any view of the streets.

I can still feel the burn from sprinting to the station. I can see the bridge I crossed. Just out of view is the station I died at.

But I’m not dead.

I’m alive.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Wait, didn’t this day start with –

Motors.

“Kai,” I turn and find him staring at me with a nervous frown, “You hear that?”

He steps forward, wary of this crumbling room. “Shit. Those are cars? Sounds like it’s coming from past the West End.” He looks over, dark eyes widening: “From the bridge? But the–”

“Yeah, the Lions.”

I say this like it’s not the first time, because this definitely isn’t. I shut the door. In my dream, Yoko thought I ratted her out to whoever’s coming. I need to talk to Theo and figure this out.

Kai’s okay.

I’m okay.

I exhale, my chest shuddering as the relief finally sets in. “Listen. I’m gonna go meet up with Theo and see if Yoko or her people have heard anything. If it’s serious, we’re gonna get out of here.”

“You sure?” He crosses his arms over, “You’re sounding kinda nuts this morning.”

“I’m fine,” I lie. He doesn’t buy it.

I died. I left you alone. First mom, then me… Dream or not, I can’t let that happen.

“I should come with–”

Intrusive and horrible, I imagine him lying in that filthy train station. I close the distance between the two of us and wrap my arms around him.

“Hey, what the fuck!” He’s fighting me, but I just tighten my grip. “Dude, what’s gotten into you?”

I let him go, failing to hold back what is becoming an unmanageable cocktail of emotions. “Be safe, alright?”

“Uh… Sure, okay. I’ll meet you in the train station if things get hairy, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I hurry toward the kitchen, eager to grab my things. But I pause when I remember the sound of my own neck snapping. My skin crawls.

“Just… watch your step, Kai.”

~

“What the fuck are you doing here, Corin!?”

I put my hands into the air and take a step back. My heart is pounding, both from running across the bridge and from the way Theo is brandishing a knife.

Theo’s home is a few blocks south of the old City Hall. There are still some wider boulevards here, but even here the forest is growing to swallow up these gaps.

“I didn’t do it, okay!?”

Her house is one of many abandoned ones left to rot after the earthquake. The roof has sloughed off on one side, revealing a water-worn attic. Light is streaming out from the first floor and I can hear a generator nearby.

“How the… you’d only say that if you knew what Yoko says you did!”

Under the heavy canopy, the underbrush has burst forth. Sword ferns, salal, yarrow, and all kinds of undergrowth choke out old lawns. The world smells of dirt, life, and rain.

I lower my hands, but Theo’s anger isn’t letting up. “Yoko thinks I told whoever’s coming over the bridge about her camp, but I didn’t, okay?” Desperation builds inside of me as my own death haunts me, “Please! You have to believe me.”

Theo sighs, slowly lowering her knife. “Even if I did believe you, it’s Yoko you have to convince,” she glances down the street. “I just got the message that you turned on us. Guess it would be impossible given that you’re right here.”

“Will you go with me? Help convince Yoko I’m innocent?”

Right now I need someone on my side. If I just run away, there’s a decent chance Yoko’s goons will find me. And if I’m with Kai, then–

The snap of my neck. The way I couldn’t breathe. The terror grips me, even now. I instinctively grab at my chest, willing my lungs to expand.

I can’t let that happen to Kai.

“Alright… fine.”

~

I’ve never really been into girls, but I have to admit, Theo has pretty eyes. They’re a light green that compliments her hair nicely.

I should’ve told her that before she died.

Her blood is still on my hands as I run. I try to wipe it on my shirt, but there’s too much. I can still hear the horrible, choked gurgling noise that escaped her when Yoko’s goons slit her throat.

She just stared at me as she collapsed. Even as her blood mixed into the ground, feeding the soil that nurtures the restless forest overtaking the city, she kept looking at me. Why did she have to keep staring?

I want to focus on running, on getting away from Yoko’s goons, but I’m so tired. My legs are cramping, my lungs are burning, and I need to stop.

It’s pouring rain now – I forgot about that in my dream. Last time. Whatever it was. It doesn’t matter. All I know is I’m freezing and I can hear shouting and a motorbike whirring nearby.

There’s only one place I can go: down.

And yet, as I hurry toward the train station, I get that same sense from the morning – and from the end. Something is nearby, watching.

I hurry down the steps into the train station. I need to get to Kai. We can go to the new city out east. Maybe we’ll be okay.

The air grows close and dank, the smell of fetid water assaulting me. My footsteps echo off the quiet, concrete tomb. That skin crawling sensation lingers. Eyes on me, watching. Closer, closer still.

I stop and stare down at the train tracks.

Fear grips me again, prickling my skin and sending a shiver up my back. I died here. I snapped my neck and–

Something’s here.

I can hear footsteps, but they’re faint. Someone must be sneaking up on me.

Stilling my breath, I slowly slide my hand into my pocket and grip my knife, readying myself. I spin on my heel and face my foe, ready to do what I have to once again.

But it’s not Yoko or her bruisers.

It’s just… Nothing.

“You didn’t try hard enough, did you?”

My heart slams into my throat. I choke back a shriek as something fundamentally wrong ripples across my skin. The words echo in my ears, reverberate in my chest, shatter my balance.

That’s impossible. That’s fucking impossible.

It’s not real.

It’s not it’s not it’s not it’s not it’s not

I stumble backward as nothing stares at me.

I die again.

Third First Day

I don’t like waking up like this.

I can hear myself screaming.

It’s the cry of a dead man, begging for another chance.

When Kai runs to my bedside and I thrash at his grip, he swears and holds down my arm, but when I stare into his dark eyes, all I can see is nothing.

Nothing told me I wasn’t trying hard enough.

“I-I’ll do better…” My words come out between wracking sobs as my teenage brother tries to comfort me, his hand awkwardly smoothing over my back as I weep.

He’s just staring at me, stunned beyond words.

“You already… Cor, you already do so much, man.”

“I’ll try h-harder, okay…?”

~

Yoko’s people corner me on the train station platform.

I don’t want to fall again, god damn it!

“Who’d you talk to, kid?!”

I shake my head, hyperventilating as I try not to stare at the gun pointed at my head: “I didn’t do it! How many times do I need to tell you!?”

“My turf is about to be overrun by a fucking militia heading this way, kid! And what do I hear? Some little shit named Corin told them all about our routes, our supply depots, everything!”

Theo takes a step toward me. Seeing her here hurts more than it should. She’s not on my side this time.

The air is so close around us. I can smell blood in the air, but no one’s died. Not yet, anyway.

“You’re never going to believe me, are you?”

I don’t want to do it again.

Someone pulls the trigger.

At first there’s pressure, like someone hit me across my side with a bat. Then, the air is knocked out of my lungs and I struggle to stay upright. Finally, warmth. Heat. Blazing fire spreads through my side.

I grip my flesh, a raspy wheeze escaping my lips.

Why would they shoot me?

Don’t they know I’m going to die anyway?

Pain.

It ripples across my side like a hot blade shredding my insides. I cry out, my breathless lungs capable of only a whimper.

I stagger back.

I fall.

My head strikes the metal rail line. My body goes numb with that sickening tingle.

Yoko and Theo peak over the edge, their words muffled and indistinct. I can’t breathe, I can’t move, and my terror and hopelessness are rising to a roar, muffling out the world.

They shift out of sight and leave me to die alone.

I don’t know why they keep blaming me.

I just wish someone would believe me. That someone would help this end.

My vision begins to darken.

Nothing returns.

Except this time it’s something.

A figure, indistinct and grey, hovers over me. I can just make out a pair of black boots, but that’s it. While faceless, I know it’s frowning.

I die again.

Fourth First Day

I don’t like waking up like this.

It’s still dark out. Kai is snoring quietly in the far bed. My body is shaking violently, my sheets reek of piss. I must’ve wet myself.

I rise from my bed, legs unsteady underneath me as I move shambolically toward his bed.

He’s muttering in his sleep. Guess I’m not the only one, after all. I only realize it now, but Kai has mom’s nose – they have the same little rise at the tip.

I miss her.

She was sick for so long. When I was Kai’s age, I’d wake up to her coughing in bed, her body convulsing with each wet, phlegmy hack. When she’d see that I was watching, she’d shoo me off.

“Growing boys need their sleep, Corin. Mommy’s fine.”

She was kind, patient, and strong. She kept us safe for years after dad left. And ever since she died, I’ve tried to be strong for Kai.

Kai isn’t exactly a sweet kid. He’s bratty, swears a lot, and like every teenager, can be pretty damn mean.

But he’s also selfless and brave. He keeps busy doing jobs for a local chop shop. The old guy that runs it calls him a ‘shit-heeled asswipe’ but has him changing out everything from battery cells on old EVs to carburetors on even older combustion cars. No small task for a teenager.

“See you next time, Kai.”

I know where to go.

I know how this ends.

I die again.

Fifth First Day

I don’t like waking up like this.

I wake up late today.

Kai is already out. Maybe he left a note, but I don’t check.

It’s raining.

Right. It’s raining by the time I’m running from Yoko and her gang.

“I guess I’m behind schedule today.”

I can’t help but laugh. I know I’m not dreaming, but knowing what this isn’t doesn’t make it easier to figure out what it is.

I’m slowly getting ready for the day, sliding on the same pair of pants and the same jacket I’ve worn for what feels like an eternity. The water I drink from the bottle Kai picked up a week ago – or yesterday, whenever that was – tastes the same. The sound the bottle makes when it pops from air pressure is the same.

Today, I’m not going to visit Yoko, Theo, or anyone else.

I’m just going to go to the train station.

~

No one pushes me, shoots me, or scares me over the edge.

I just let myself fall.

The same sickening snap, electric rush of numbness, and instinctive panic.

My head is propped up against the sloping wall this time. I can feel blood trickling down the back of my skull. It’s hot and wet, but the feeling stops somewhere halfway down my neck.

That’s one way to prove what happened to me.

It’s here, too.

There’s more to it now. Still more of an idea than a real thing, all I can see is boots, but for some reason I get the distinct impression it has the most brilliant eyes I’ve ever seen.

When it speaks, its voice reverberates over and over in my mind. It’s as though its words fill me up like a cup and run out my ears.

“You’re not just giving up, are you?”

Endless, endless.

“That won’t do.”

Sixth First Day

I don’t like waking up like this.

This is, however, very different.

It’s still early, but Kai is awake. He’s also holding my knife and yelling.

My ears are still ringing from last time, and I’ve yet to catch my breath, but when I look to my side, I can see them.

“You’re awake! That’s good.”

They must have been here for a while. They’ve pulled up a chair next to my bed, their jacket is lying in their lap, and there’s a half-read book placed atop the heap of dark fabric.

Their skin is strangely pale, their eyes a brilliant blue, and their hair an inky black. Their face is delicately framed with high cheekbones, full lips, and smooth eyebrows. As I stare into their eyes, the world around me goes quiet. I can hear Kai yelling, but all I can feel is an overwhelming sense of calm that covers me like a heavy blanket.

They smile brilliantly, reach forward, and take my hand. When they touch me, my breathing returns in an exhilarating rush. The ringing in my ears fades. The panic in my heart abates.

They look at me with such tender care that I don’t even know what to say.

“You’re the…” The words die on my lips.

“I’ve been longing to meet you, Corin.” They lean forward, “You are just as I have dreamed.”

They release my hand. Kai stands there, visibly shaken at the intruder. I stare up at him, uncomprehending his fear.

“C-Cor, you know this guy!?”

“I – yes. It’s okay, Kai,” he doesn’t look at all convinced. I push my blanket off myself and slowly move to stand. For the first time in days, I’m neither shaky, covered in my own bodily fluids, nor terrified out of my mind.

“It’s okay, really.” I look down at the seated figure, “You’re not dangerous, right?”

Seeing them here feels right – it feels like they should have always been here.

“Not to you,” they come to a stand. The newcomer’s build is athletic and lithe. They’re wearing a pair of simple black trousers and a thin grey sweater. They turn to face Kai, and the gentleness in their eyes fades to something cooler, more distant. “Kai. Please don’t try to do that.”

I look down. Kai was slowly moving the knife to an angle where he could stab them in the side. I wince – I was shot there, and that was painful enough. Seeing them threatened in a similar way feels wrong.

“I…” Kai is beyond frustrated, “How did you get in? How do you know Corin!?”

They stare down at the book they had been reading and smile softly. “You can call me Jules,” they extend their free hand, “And I assure you, your brother and I know each other well.”

Kai shoots me a helpless look, and all I can do is shrug. He reluctantly shakes Jules’s hand, his expression skeptical.

Satisfied, the newcomer turns away from him and back to me. When he does, that kind look Jules is giving me begins to melt the aching numbness in my chest.

“Corin, how about we see to that pesky problem you’ve been having?”

I can feel a fluttery, strange sensation building between my ribs. It’s ephemeral and unfamiliar.

Hope.

~

It’s not raining. That’s a nice change.

Jules insisted we walk over the top of the bridge. I told them that was a bad idea, but they just laughed. Still, nothing happened. It was as though the world stopped for us.

When we reach the far end of the bridge, it’s clear that things have changed. Two storey buildings have disappeared under the canopy, and even some shorter high rises are beginning to look small.

The foliage crowds eagerly upward, climbing into the sky with such greedy abandon that I can’t even see some of the wider boulevards. All around us, ferns and shrubs have sprouted up in even the smallest of cracks in old sidewalks and crumbling streets.

The damp air leaves me sweaty as we climb Oak Street. By the time we’re halfway to Yoko’s tower, my clothes are sticking to me. But when Jules looks over, their brow creases with worry. They stop me and step forward, brushing a finger over my forehead.

“This hill is steep,” they acknowledge with a playful smile. “Would you like me to carry you?”

Given that they’re only a few inches taller than me, I seriously doubt they could, so I just chuckle. However, Jules’s calm, kind doesn’t waver. “I’m fine, really! This isn’t my first rodeo.”

“No, it’s not. But if I can alleviate your hurt, I will try, Corin. I believe you are deserving of that.”

My face flushes at their earnestness. “T-thanks, Jules. I appreciate that.” I don’t even realize when I do it, but soon enough we’re walking close enough that their shoulder is brushing mine. “So… you saw me the whole time, huh?”

Jules hums, “It’s… complicated. But seeing you suffer, it hurt me greatly.” They look around at a world encased by nature, treetops hovering over shadowed rooflines, “I was worried after last time. I had to do something.”

Before I can say anything, Yoko’s tower comes into view. Yet, it too is not as I remember.

A handful of oak trees have sprouted up at the nearest corner and have pierced its foundation, winding through a handful of windows and sprouting a few floors up above. It looks like the building has been skewered.

“Ah, there he is.” Yoko is approaching us with her hired muscle and Theo like last time. She momentarily turns her attention toward Jules: “Is this the militia rat you snitched to? Really, Corin. I expected better of you. You know how this works: loyalty gets rewarded. But betrayal? Well…”

I look between her and Theo. We’ve done this so many times, I don’t even know what to say anymore. “I didn’t tell anyone where your safehouses are, Yoko… I don’t even know where most of them are. You know that, so why do this?” I look over at Theo: “Theo! You know I didn’t.”

Theo looks askance, shaking her head. “It’s not like that, Cor. I don’t help… traitors.”

“Alright, well,” Yoko looks around, “It’s not personal, Corin. Just how things are.”

One of Yoko’s thugs raises his gun. He’s the same guy who shot me last time.

“I couldn’t agree more, Miss Yoko,” Jules smiles and steps forward.

I step in front of them: “Jules – don’t! There’s no need to get yourself hurt for me.”

Jules stares at me. When they speak, their voice is soft, loving: “You think I’ll be hurt? And you worry for me?” They lean forward, ghosting their fingers over my jaw. My skin goosebumps. “You are so very good, Corin. Thank you.”

Their pale blue eyes shift forward. I follow their gaze, still dazed by their touch.

The man holding the gun is shaking, trembling.

“You shouldn’t threaten Corin,” Jules chides coolly, “It isn’t kind. He has suffered enough.” They cock their head to the side ever so slightly.

Yoko’s bruiser’s neck audibly snaps. The sound sends a shiver up my spine. He collapses into a twitching heap, his gun discharging noisily.

“What the fuck–”

Yoko can’t even finish her sentences. Jules’s attention shifts to her: “You will not hurt Corin.”

She lets out a choked, gurgling noise. Her eyes turn a grisly shade of red. She collapses.

Her remaining bruiser steps away, his face twisted with horror. “Please! I-I didn’t do anything!”

“Not this time,” Jules counters, “But this is how the game is played, isn’t it?”

The man’s leg snaps like a twig.

He crumples to the ground, screaming in pain.

“You shot Corin. You hurt him.”

All around us, the world darkens. The tree canopy seems to thicken, the air grows cool, and there’s an expectant energy all around us.

“How could you do that? How could you be so evil?”

The man is sobbing on the ground, clutching at his ruined leg. “I swear I never threatened him! Tell him, Corin, tell him!”

“Don’t talk to him.” Jules’s cold blue eyes narrow, “Lay down and die.”

The man splays himself against the shrub-strewn street. Blood trickles from his mouth.

Jules turns to Theo. She’s weeping into her hand, her pretty green eyes full of fear. “You were his friend. But you would let him die,” Jules is now marching on her with the same terrifying calm. “That is cruel. That is not acceptable.”

“Wait!”

I stop Jules by the arm.

They turn to face me, their expression softening. “You want to show mercy to her? She’s been so unkind to you, Corin…” They look genuinely tortured, “I can’t let her hurt you again.”

I look between Jules and Theo. She’s on the ground, trembling in fear, her eyes darting between the horrors of the three victims next to her and us. “C-Cor, I’m so sorry… I was scared t-that Yoko would come for me, and… and… .”

“It’s okay, Theo. Just go, alright?”

Theo shakily gets to her feet. She’s staring at Jules with naked terror, but when they look at me, all I can see is the genuine concern in those dazzling eyes.

I wonder what Theo really sees when she looks at them.

~

It’s later than I’ve ever been alive so far. The rain continues to fall as we make our way further east. Overhead, dark clouds sweep across the sky, undulating ominously with the chilly breeze that’s picked up. Strangely, the wind carries the smell of the ocean even here.

We’re headed towards the shop Kai works at. Even with Yoko and her people no longer around, he’s still not safe. Some kind of militia is coming from the north and we can’t be caught in the crossfire.

Dense blackberry bushes seem to line our path, obfuscating our view of nearby houses. Doors are sealed shut with ivy and periwinkle. “I’ve never seen all the trees and bushes grow like this… Maybe there’s something in the dirt, here?”

Jules chuckles, “Corin, isn’t it obvious? It’s all for you.” Those pale blue eyes shift to me, “Just as I am.”

They keep saying things like this and it’s going to keep putting me in a coma from how earnest and kind it is. “I know you’re not…” I struggle to even say the word, “But why help me?”

The world around us seems to fall silent. What little rain was getting through the dense canopy overhead stops entirely. The wind slows, letting my cold hands finally find some warmth.

The world has gone still.

Just for us.

Jules’s eyes look sad as they lean forward. “You still don’t understand, do you? “How could I not help you? You are so good. You have done your best for so long.”

Jules rests a hand on my hip, the other finds the crook of my jaw and tips my head up. They smell like the sea, salty and fresh. I move closer, the heat in my chest impossible to deny.

“You keep saying things like that, but…” I close the gap between the two of us and press my lips against theirs.

Scintillating sparks flashing behind my eyelids. Jules leans into me, pressing back. Their lips are warm and inviting, their touch sending shockwaves of pleasure down my spine. They hold me tighter still. All around me, the world fades to nothing.

Jules pulls back: “You have cared for Kai for so long. You have done so well,” they smile. “I will keep you safe. I will protect you.”

I can distantly hear Kai calling out to me. He must be nearby. But he can wait.

It can all wait.

After dying so many times, I just want this.

Only this.

First Night

I think I forgot what nighttime looks like.

The sky is clear, but there are no stars. The wind is whipping at me, but I don’t feel cold.

Jules has draped themselves over my shoulder, and despite them leaning their weight on me as we walk, it doesn’t feel like a burden. All I feel is calm, warm, and safe. It’s as though Jules is an extra blanket laid over me on a cold night.

And who wouldn’t want that?

We’re walking over an old overpass. Below us, long-since abandoned rail lines stretch out into the darkness. Knotwood and hogweed rise upward, greedily grabbing the chainlink fences that once demarcated this interstice.

It’s stunning to think how quickly nature is returning to the city. By now, it’s hard to imagine what could remain fifty years after an earthquake that was powerful enough for the seafloor to tear itself apart.

Strangely, we have a decent view of the city, but when I look up, I can’t seem to find the moon. It should be much darker, but it’s not. It’s like there’s a faint grey glow to the world around us.

Ahead, the old mechanic shop is lit up by a handful of electric lights. The buzz of a generator and people shouting with fear and urgency greet us as we approach.

The building is rusted, its pale green exterior discoloured from rain and wind, while its angled roof sags to one side over shuttered garages. The shop has a half-dozen other garage doors propped open. I can see vehicles propped up and people busily working on them. No one seems to notice our approach.

Jules still has their hand on my shoulder, but they’re observing the frenetic activity with an open curiosity. Yet, something about their gaze looks cautious.

Then, a mop of black hair is moving toward me and spindly arms wrap suddenly around my chest.

“Where the fuck have you been, Cor!”

Kai is clinging to me like he did when he was a kid. His grip is too tight, his hands are freezing, and he smells like oil. When he releases me, his face is smeared with something dark and his hair is a mess. He’s scowling, but there’s fear in his eyes.

“What’s the matter?”

“I thought you heard! That’s why you went to see Yoko, right?”

Right, Yoko.

She died.

His attention flits to Jules for a moment, but he quickly looks back at me and lowers his voice. “Are you… alright?”

Jules lets out a small, amused noise. They turn toward Kai, their pale blue eyes somehow seeing more than should be possible: “You’re afraid, Kai. Why?”

Kai takes a step away, eyes widening. He takes a moment to compose himself. “That’s not your business.”

“What’s going on?” I question as I take in the frenzy.

“That militia didn’t come from the north, Cor. They came from the south and they’re encircling the fucking city. We need to get out. Now!”

“How do you know all that? Yoko barely knew anything before she–”

Jules steps forward, their fingers threading with mine. Just their touch is enough to quell the rising worry in me. They smile at him, and when they speak, their tone is oddly gentle: “Kai, why don’t you tell your brother?”

Kai’s eyes go wide. He lets out a small noise, looking between the two of us. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Then, anger rises in him: “And who even are you, anyway? This is family stuff. Stay out, man.”

I feel irritation like a thunderclap, “Don’t talk to Jules like that.”

Jules squeezes my hand and offers me a kindly smile: “It’s okay, Corin. I understand why he’s upset.” A fateful pause, “Guilt can be such a heavy burden.”

Kai’s face blanches. He’s looking just at me, now: “I-I don’t know what… I didn’t do anything, Cor.”

Jules is walking and with me in tow. Kai is quick to follow.

They lead us toward one of the closed garage doors. I can hear shouting from nearby, but it doesn’t matter.

Everything will be fine.

“Hey!” Kai is suddenly beside me, “You can’t just go in there, it’s closed!”

We’re standing in front of a rusted out garage door. The long panels have shifted out of place, and what was once whitewashed metal has turned a sickly orange at its edges. There’s a pungent scent of decay from inside, and I screw up my face in response.

“Please, Kai,” Jules doesn’t look back, “Hasn’t your brother been through enough?”

I don’t know what’s going on, but I have been through enough.

Then, the garage door is simply

Gone.

Kai stumbles back, his voice cracking with shock: “What the fu-CK?!”

I’ve seen worse. Jules leans in closer, their lips a hair’s width away from my ears: “We can leave now, Corin. I will keep you safe. We don’t need to do this.”

“Let’s keep going.”

I don’t think I could have said anything else.

~

There was a hatch in the pitted concrete floor. Kai kept telling us to stop, he pulled at my arm, begging me not to go down there. He said it’s not safe.

Jules says it’s safe.

We descend a ladder and find ourselves in some kind of old basement. I don’t know what it was used for before, but now a set of plastic foldout tables take up most of the space.

There’s a milieu of radio equipment on one. Another holds up a map, but it’s so out of date that it still shows the old boundaries of the metro area before Richmond sank into the sea.

There were people here.

They’re gone now. A twitching pile of death in the corner, necks snapped, bodies mangled.

Jules didn’t like it when they threatened me. It’s for the best.

Now I can actually focus on what I’m looking at. There are all kinds of lines on the map, with little grey boxes perched on the old highway system going from the south, then east, up to the north, and back down. Most are down south, but a few are on the north bridge facing downtown.

“What… is all this? I don’t get it. Kai, your garage had intel on the militia coming up from the south?” I’m more than a little impressed as I stand back up and turn to face him: “This is amazing – Talk about some masterful sleuthing!” I pat him on the shoulder, “My baby bro, the detective extraor–”

“STOP IT!”

His chest is rising and falling so quickly, his eyes are full of tears, and his face is tinted green as he takes in the sight before him. The grisly pile of bodies is enough to send him over the edge. He pitches over, stomach contents spattering against the cracked concrete.

When I try to brace him, he rips himself away from me, stumbling into a table and knocking over some kind of radio receiver.

“S-stop mocking me! I… I know I fucked up.” He wraps his arms around himself, “But you don’t need to torture me like this, Cor…” He sobs, “It’s… really cruel, y’know?”

“Kai, what are you talking about…? I would never…” Pain wells up in me, sharp and unpleasant. I’ve never seen him so broken. Not even when our mom died.

Jules is there, then: “Tell him. Now.”

Kai’s dark eyes are wide. He’s staring at Jules with animalistic terror. He whimpers, “T-they came around here a few weeks ago… killed my friends. They d-did things, and I…” He shakes his head, “They wouldn’t leave until we gave them something useful south of the bay.”

“Yoko’s turf?”

A nod. “Yeah,” Kai sniffles, “Most people here live nearby, so they didn’t know anything. But I did.” He looks up at me, his teeth bared and sobbing freely now: “I’m s-so sorry, Cor. I was scared, I didn’t know what to do, and I thought they just wanted leverage… I never thought…” He shakes his head, “I never thought…”

Oh.

I see.

“You gave them my name.”

Kai crumbles to the ground. “None of it makes any sense! I look at you and I just see that. Over and over and over! Falling, falling, falling!”

I can see it, too.

The basement around us seems to flicker away, walls disappearing for moments at a time.

Dank, stale air. A broken train platform.

“You’re the…” I can barely even say it. “You got me killed, Kai.”

Kai is shuffling toward me. He’s grabbing at my waist, burying his face into my hip. I can feel the wetness of his tears: “I’m sorry!” He keeps saying, “I-I never wanted for you to get hurt! But –”

The squeak of my shoe as I sleep.

The rush of air as I fall.

The snap of my neck.

I can hear it. I can smell it. I can see it. I can feel it.

Jules is standing in front of me.

“I’m so sorry, Corin. I had wanted to keep you safe, but this pain you feel… it shouldn’t be.”

The world goes dark.

I can’t hear Kai crying anymore.

I think of my brother, begging for my forgiveness.

I look at Jules and see something new behind those beautiful eyes.

In the darkness of his pupils, I can see it. Something impossible. Something endless. Rising from the dark below, blotting out the sky, always there, watching me.

The truth.

They’ve always been right here.

All around me is nothing. An abyssal maw has claimed us – claimed me.

“He made a mistake, Jules. He was scared, like I was.”

They stare at me with those loving eyes: “He hurt you, Corin. How can I allow that?”

“Don’t,” I breathe shakily, “Don’t hurt him.”

Hope was the first lie.

They lean in, their lips brushing up against my ear: “Shall we try again?” Jules leans back and smiles at me.

I can feel myself disappearing into the void that’s claimed me.

“Okay.”

A rush of air

A bony snap.

Soon, I’ll wake up again.