A Spoiler-Free Review of Spider-Man: Brand New Day 

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

Similarly, the greatest trick Kevin Feige ever pulled was convincing the movie-going public that he wasn't going to tell Peter Parker's origin story; then use three films to tell it. I still remember seeing Spider-Man: No Way Home in theaters and putting together when (spoiler ahead) Aunt May dies. It's worthy of a slow clap, honestly. It's a slick way to make Peter's origin story fresh and exciiting.

I was forced to go to a 10 PM REALD 3D screening last night. By who? It was me. I wanted to see this opening night and by the time I was buying my tickets, all the regular screenings were sold out.

(mini) Diatribe

I've never liked 3D in films. Even as a kid, with the red and blue cardboard glasses I didn't like it. Now with these REALD glasses, everything on-screen stutters. They give me a headache, and the films aren't even utilizing the third dimension. At least in a film like Friday the 13th: 3D, it's filled with gimmicks like an actor hitting a paddleball at the screen and that (frankly awesome) moment where one of the teens hands you, the viewer, a joint. Now 3D is just to emphasize depth in a film. I get a headache just to sit in an auditorium and go, “Wow, I can really tell those textbooks are in the foreground of the screen”

(mini) Diatribe Over

Now, this will be a spoiler-free review, but I will assume you've seen the trailer for Brand New Day. So if, by some phenomenal feat of restraint, you've missed all the trailers because you want to be surprised when you see the film, what are you doing here? Stop reading!

As we all know, Peter Parker had Dr. Strange cast a spell that made the whole world forget Peter Parker exists (but to forget is to know, so, wouldn't he just have to remind people and they would go, “Oh right, Peter Parker, you killed Mysterio, you're Spider-Man!”). He's living his life in isolation, ordering a lot of Little Caesar's pizza.

(another) tiny Tangent

When Page and I were doing our Spider-Man rewatch, I went to pause Far From Home and an ad for the Little Caesar's webberoni pizza popped on my screen. Well, dear reader, I'm not made of stone. I immediately went on my phone and ordered that damn tie-in pizza (as well as some crazy bread). It's a pepperoni pizza wherein the pepperoni has been shredded to create a web-like image on the pizza.

The verdict on the webberoni pizza? Really good. The shredded pepperoni was a nice texture on the pizza becuse it crisped up nicely and added a good crunch.

As far as Little Caesar pizza goes? 4.5/5

tiny Tangent Over

So despite all the pizza he's ordering, he still looks like Tom Holland (talk about plot holes). He's cleaning up the city alongside New York's finest, but is still struggling outside of his suit, spending it mostly at Aunt May's grave. Things take a turn for the worse when a mysterious being begins to cause havoc at the Department of Damage Control and Spidey's powers begin to change.

This is Destin Daniel Cretton's second outing as a director on an MCU property, the first being Shang Chi, which I remember having a lot of fun with. One thing I've noticed over his two films is that he really knows how to capture movement on film. The action scenes in this film all pop in a way that I never felt in John Watts' films. Cretton is using inventive camera angles, a restrained use of slow-mo, and honest to goodness practical effects.

The Hand plays a minor part in the film, and during their fight scenes, there's real wire work going on. The swinging is some of the best I've seen. It's the first time in a long time I've felt immersed in a Marvel film's action sequences. As we've seen from the trailers, the Hulk makes an appearance (my favorite Marvel hero, check out The Immortal Hulk run of comics by Al Erwing and Joe Bennett), and the way Cretton plays with the size difference is, for lack of a better word, awesome.

Now, it's not all praises. The story, penned by long-time Spider-Man film writers Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers, is a bit of a slog. Just like in No Way Home, they try to cram too much story into this film. Nothing gets a moment to breathe because we need to move on to the next beat. We power through big emotional beats because we have to get to the next setpiece. Now, I'm not blaming McKenna or Sommers; I can't imagine what it's like to write the fourth film in a franchise that also has to set up pieces of the next MCU property, I'm sure the story is blown apart and pieced back together weekly.

The strongest part of the writing continues to be the comedy. Spidey's quips are fun, Ned and MJ continue to kill it, and the addition of the Punisher gives Peter a “big brother” figure to argue with. Despite the heavy themes we're working through, depression, isolation, life changes, it still remains light on its feet.

Spidey being a part of the MCU has always been a deterrent for me with these films, and while this is a contained NYC Spider-Man story, I can't help but feel the film is distracted with the introduction of a new major character and we sort of forget about Spidey for twenty minutes or so.

Overall, it's the best Spider-Man film since Homecoming, and depending on the day you ask me, it may be my favorite of the Tom Holland era. It's a spectacle with ambitious fights and larger-than-life action that needs to be seen in theaters

RATING: 3.5/5 Catch it in theaters

Who should see this film in 3D?

• Pain Pigs

Who should see this film in literally any other format?

• People with a degree in MCU (Marvel Cinematic University, because damn, there's some deep pulls, also, did you know that little kid Iron Man saves in Iron Man 2 is Peter Parker?)
• Hulk enthusiasts
• Dark loners that cast a magical spell that made the whole world forget about them

P.S. Tom Holland: Most Powerful man in Hollywood?

I don't know if you all were watching The Odyssey discourse like a hawk, because I sure was. I remember reading an article during the promotion wherein Tom Holland held up the shooting of Brand New Day to do Nolan's film. I really thought that was impressive. I didn't know he had that much clout to tell Disney to wait. Then, while Page and I were watching No Way Home, I was scrolling through the IMDB Trivia and saw another piece about Tom Holland. Apparently, he saved the film from cancelation. According to the trivia:

Tom Holland helped to save this movie from cancellation by forcing renegotiations between Sony and Disney. Under the terms of the new deal, not only does this movie still take place within the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), but Spider-Man can also appear in future MCU movies, as well as Sony's own Spider-Man franchise.

I don't think I've heard of an actor that had that much say in Hollywood since Tom Cruise. It's impressive, and speaks to Tom Holland's likeability. I don't really have much to say other than that, seems like a cool dude.