Mary and Max: We’re All Flawed, and That’s Why I Can Forgive You

Mary and Max is a heartwarming and philosophical stop-motion animated film that tells the story of two seemingly different individuals: Mary, a lonely little girl from Australia, and Max, a middle-aged man living in New York. Through letter-writing, they form a deep friendship. Although the overall tone of the film is quiet and somewhat dark, certain lines delicately reveal profound reflections on human nature, friendship, loneliness, and forgiveness. My favorite line “The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect, and so am I” is one of the most touching and philosophical quotes in the film. This line is not only an expression of forgiveness but also a deep reflection on human nature, flaws, and acceptance.

To understand this line, it’s essential to grasp the film’s narrative and the characteristics of its two protagonists. The story spans several decades. Mary is a young girl living in Australia, whose childhood is filled with confusion and anxiety. Her mother is an alcoholic, and her father neglects her due to his work. This difficult family environment leaves Mary feeling isolated, and she longs for a friend with whom she can share her thoughts. Out of pure curiosity, Mary writes a letter to a stranger in New York—Max—thus beginning a friendship through correspondence that lasts over 20 years.

Max is a middle-aged man with Asperger’s syndrome. His social abilities are severely limited, making him feel out of place in the world around him. He has lived in long-term isolation, unable to form stable relationships and fearing social interactions. Because of his unique condition, Max is filled with confusion about society and himself, and this sense of loneliness resonates with Mary. Despite the vast differences in their ages and life circumstances, their shared experiences of loneliness and hardship allow their correspondence to become a source of mutual solace.

Both Mary and Max live on the margins of society. Their personalities, behaviors, and lifestyles reflect a certain “imperfection”. In traditional views, perfect relationships, families, and social skills are often seen as indicators of success and happiness. Yet, Mary and Max fall short of these ideals, and their lives are, in many ways, far from “perfect”. However, it is precisely these imperfections that form the foundation of their connection and understanding. Their friendship isn’t built on external standards but on shared vulnerability and loneliness.

"The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect, and so am I." This line expresses forgiveness but also speaks to the acceptance of human flaws. Traditionally, forgiveness often suggests a moral imbalance, where the forgiver holds a position of superiority. However, this line redefines that notion, offering a more equal form of forgiveness. It’s not about indulgence or condescension but about recognizing and understanding each other’s imperfections.

Forgiveness isn't just an emotional release; it's a deep psychological process that demands both wisdom and empathy. When confronted with others' mistakes, shortcomings, or missteps, it's common to feel anger, disappointment, or pain—emotions that often make forgiveness more difficult. True forgiveness, however, doesn’t dismiss these errors but acknowledges the shared human condition of imperfection. Everyone makes mistakes, feels lost, and struggles in their own ways.

In the exchange between Mary and Max, their friendship is marked by conflicts and misunderstandings. At one point, Max, due to his psychological condition, cuts off communication, leaving Mary deeply hurt. Likewise, during her own growth, Mary makes choices that confuse Max. This quote surfaces amid the ups and downs of their friendship. Instead of resorting to blame or resentment, Mary embraces understanding and acceptance, recognizing that both she and Max are imperfect. This tolerance arises from a deep insight into human nature: no one is without flaws, and everyone is navigating their own struggles.

The bond between Mary and Max is rooted in their shared vulnerability and loneliness. It is precisely their imperfections that allow them to truly understand and accept each other. Here, vulnerability isn't just about emotional or psychological fragility—it’s also about recognizing and embracing their own and each other’s flaws.

Perfectionism dominates many aspects of life. We chase the ideal appearance, career, and lifestyle, often neglecting the most authentic part of our humanity: our vulnerability and imperfections. Many interpersonal issues arise from an inability to accept these flaws. We hold others to certain standards, and when they don’t meet them, disappointment and conflict often follow. But lasting and meaningful relationships are built on mutual acceptance and understanding. Mary and Max’s friendship thrives not because they meet each other’s expectations but because they accept each other’s imperfections, fostering a connection that is both equal and genuine.

Embracing vulnerability is, in a sense, an antidote to perfectionism. Human beings are inherently vulnerable, and it’s this very vulnerability that makes us authentic and relatable. By acknowledging our own flaws, we allow ourselves to open up and form deeper connections with others. Through their letters, Mary and Max gradually break down the emotional and psychological barriers between them, entering each other’s inner worlds. Their friendship doesn’t rely on external success or social validation; rather, it’s built on a profound understanding of each other’s true selves. Vulnerability isn’t a hindrance to their relationship—it’s the foundation that keeps it strong.

The line, “The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect, and so am I” holds an essential life lesson. In reality, we all face imperfections, whether in ourselves or others. Finding peace amid these flaws and building genuine connections despite them is a challenge we all must confront.

Everyone faces their own life challenges, and these challenges exist precisely because we are not perfect. Acknowledging our imperfections doesn’t mean settling for less or giving up; it means embracing our true selves. Only through self-acceptance can we maintain a calm and composed mindset when facing life’s difficulties. In our relationships, conflicts and misunderstandings often stem from our inability to tolerate each other’s flaws. We set expectations for others, and when they fall short, disappointment, anger, or even estrangement can follow.

This film teaches us that true tolerance doesn't mean overlooking mistakes, but rather understanding and accepting the vulnerability and imperfections inherent in human nature. Tolerance not only preserves harmony in relationships but also helps us approach others’ flaws with greater peace and clarity. Forgiving others is not just for their sake, but for our own. When we hold onto blame, we burden ourselves with negativity. Over time, this accumulation of negative emotions not only damages relationships but also traps us in discomfort and emotional pain. Through forgiveness, we release that resentment and stress, allowing ourselves to move forward with a lighter heart. The true value of friendship and relationships lies not in an illusion of perfection, but in mutual understanding and acceptance.

The quote, “The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect, and so am I” reflects a deep understanding of the complexities of human nature. Forgiveness and acceptance are not signs of weakness, but of profound wisdom and strength. In forgiving, we learn to face the flaws of others, coexist with our own imperfections, and find inner peace even in challenging times. It is this tolerance and understanding that allow us to build meaningful connections in an imperfect world.