There is always a movie that we can't deny is terrible, that lacks brilliant performances, that has implausible and ridiculous situations but somehow conquers our hearts. For most fans Resident Evil is an excellent saga, for others it's not that great but they love the story and the characters, and for others it's a waste of a Sunday afternoon. There are films that have a worse reputation like Fast & Furious but still their fans, who even know that it is full of nonsense and ridiculousness, know that they will enjoy watching any of these ten movies. The hearts of moviegoers are so big that they can fit in there the worst movie you are capable of loving.
I've been watching crap since I was a kid, with the occasional one changing the top of my preferences as time went by. I wouldn't say there were any capable of winning me over as time went on, until back in 2013 when I bought the dvd of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. I read a review that was enthusiastic about the movie, so I decided to give it a chance. To this day I recognize that it's a terrible movie in objective terms, but my personal opinion hasn't changed about it: I like it like you have no idea! And to be honest, it hasn't aged badly at all. It's more entertaining than a lot of movies today.
Let's talk about this movie in context. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is a reinterpretation of the dark fairytale from the Brothers Grimm collection. In this version, the two brothers have their canonical event with the witch, who turned the male child into a diabetic from too much candy. The boys manage to kill the witch, gaining fame for such a feat, and as they grow up they become mercenaries hunting her down at the price of the highest bidder. Now the brothers have to deal with a menacing coven that plagues a German village where children disappear, discovering some surprising facts about their past and meeting their greatest challenge to date, the powerful witch Muriel. Hansel & Gretel was the first big box office hit of 2013, disappointing the specialized critics but being accepted by the public and gaining a certain cult status, to the point that it is currently the most popular live action of this story by the Brothers Grimm.
Modern twist on the classic tale
The first thing to note about Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is that it is a completely lighthearted film. Everything in the film meets a quota of exaggeration that may border on the absurd, but it works because of the tone that Norwegian director Tommy Wirkola has adopted in directing this film. Just by looking at the MTV Films logo, one can expect complete nonsense, and indeed, it's mission accomplished. Wirkola wanted to make this a roller coaster of entertainment and here he put the craziest ideas he could have come up with. There's no pseudo-emotionality, no moments for reflection, no deep readings of the legendary medieval tale. The film is all the fun that the trailers and promotional images promised. This isn't Nosferatu, this is bad as hell, but it ends up being enjoyable.
In that sense, Hansel & Gretel works even better than other products of the same genre such as Van Helsing (2004) which, perhaps because it starred Hugh Jackman, sought to create a quasi-tragic character to the protagonist's conflicts that discourages when he tries to get serious. In contrast, Tommy Wirkola's film brings tension and suspense to the affair but tries not to stress the viewer out and doesn't cheat by trying to achieve depth with the whole witch hunt thing. This is just about two brothers who do their thing quite viciously. The violent scenes are not restrained, the film is notable for certain doses of gore, and some scenes that look like they're straight out of music videos (again, MTV Films). You can't expect Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters to take itself seriously and I love it for that. Great stuff to watch, silly entertainment but with heart.
Compliant chemistry
And what about its casting? Well, the work of its leads is something to be satisfied with. Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner command the screen as the sibling pair, and there couldn't have been a more charismatic dynamic duo than them, even if their characters are a bit cramped. Renner was becoming the franchise guy at the time having a presence in some of the biggest blockbuster franchises such as Marvel's Avengers, Mission Impossible and the Bourne saga, his presence alone was going to work as a hook for this film. For her part, Gemma Arterton complements the action by proving that she is the female force this version of Gretel needed. Their work feeds off each other very well and neither one overshadows the other.
It really stands out that Renner and Arterton sold the sibling chemistry in the film very well. I'm one of those who believe it's more difficult to play brothers than lovers as it makes for more unpredictable situations than what you'd expect from a dating couple. In some of my favorite horror films, the lead duo have sibling bonds such as Jeepers Creepers (2001) and Occulus (2013). Sibling dynamics of opposite sexes are not a common thing to see in these types of films so I really appreciate the effort both actors made to play the siblings in the story as adults.
Also noteworthy is the work of former Jean Grey, Famke Jansen as the witch leader of the coven. The Dutchwoman not only eats up the screen with her great stature but also with her interpretation of Muriel, the enemy of the protagonist duo with whom she has a long-standing relationship. Jansen adapts very well to the eccentric tone of the film delivering a rather evil and demented witch. Also noteworthy is the good Peter Stormare as a secondary antagonist who plays the town sheriff who comes to clashes with the siblings.
A lot of fire on the screen
Although Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters has fans of all ages, it could be said that its main target was teenagers, since in addition to the wild action, video clip format and little depth, the film has a touch of eroticism. Make no mistake, this is definitely one of the sexiest movies in recent history. It is obvious that this Gretel played by Gemma Arterton was going to draw sighs among the audience, but so do the witches even with how wicked they are and with the makeup they have on.
But the biggest eye candy of the film is Mina, the beautiful white witch played by Finnish actress Pihla Viitala. Although she is one of the few secondary characters that has a growing participation in the movie and then ended in a way that did not leave the audience happy, Mina charmed with her halo of mystery and her very spectacular anatomy; obviously those who have seen the movie know that I´m referring to the scene of the healing waters (we can understand that Hansel has lost his fear of swimming there). Perhaps her character and what she represented were not well exploited but the participation of Hansel's biggest fan left no one indifferent at the end of the film.
A unique jewel of absurdity
I'll be honest, Hansel & Gretel has gone down in entertainment history in part because it hasn't had a sequel. It hurts to say that knowing that many fans have wanted Paramount to keep their word and make the sequel, as it proved to be one of those films that gives the audience what they want. Having sequels would mean missing the uniqueness that the 2013 film has had so it would no longer seem, well, unique. There are guilty pleasures that I have enjoyed because they have not been accompanied by a sequel or are not part of a trilogy like Dick Tracy (1990), Tango & Cash (1989), or The Demolition Man (1993).
On the other hand, this film had very improvable aspects that could be overcome by a better made sequel, but that could lead to seeing the 2013 installment not come to feel special; even taking into account that Hansel & Gretel won't have the potential to pull off a Terminator 2 or Top Gun: Maverick type sequel. In a way, not having had a sequel has reinforced its status as a cult film.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is the perfect product when we think of looking for pure entertainment with no room for logic or cinema quality. Watching this film is such an entertaining experience that we can overlook the presence of a record player in late medieval Germany (I´d have put in a phonograph so as not to appear so high-tech). Some mistakes like this we excuse when we see that the spectacle they show on screen is worth enjoying. This movie won't be better or worse than the first time you saw it, but it will be ideal to disconnect the mind for a while and give yourself to the massacre of night beings that these brothers provoke. You don't have to ask for more.
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