The Red Carpet Rule We Actually Need

There is no country with which I have more of a love-hate relationship than France. On the one hand, French was the first second language I learned, and I have wonderful memories of my visits to the country. On the other hand… French culture is weird. And if you don’t know why I’m saying that, just look at Cannes’ new rules for its red carpet, because let me tell you, it’s hypocritical at best and outright asinine at worst.

So let’s talk about it.

If you missed the news last week, Cannes announced that it would no longer be allowing nudity or “voluminous outfits” on its red carpets. The second rule is boring at best - sure, big outfits might affect people’s ability to sit in the theatre, but what if they just wear it for the red carpet? Fashion is art, let people have fun.

But the first rule? No nudity? I’m almost vibrating with rage.

Look, I get it. Cannes wants to seem classy, and culturally we associate modesty with class. Now I’d argue that equating those two ideas already puts us in some questionable territory, but then add the fact that Cannes takes place in the same country that banned the burkini, and things start getting really uncomfortable. It’s not just about controlling bodies, it’s about controlling how we use and express them. Given that Cannes is meant to celebrate art… hypocritical, if not outright offensive.

But even if we somehow ignore that, there’s a bigger issue : what even is nudity? Is it a bare arm? A sheer dress? What about a sheer top? What if the nipples are male instead of female? The line is so blurry that I think I need to see an opthamologist. Also, let’s be real, nudity can be classy. It can even be artistic. The real issue Cannes is having is that “look classy” would be an even vaguer rule, so instead they’re banning nudity. That way, it sounds like they have a clear dress code when in reality, it’s more of a tool of arbitrary control and censure. It’s giving high school principal.

No, if you ask me, there’s a much better rule that Cannes and all other prestige events should implement if they actually want to improve their red carpets: the outfits should be meaningful. How many red carpet interviews have you seen where the celebrity just says something stupid like “Who am I wearing? Oh, it’s Dior. Pretty, right?”

Newsflash - fashion isn’t always about looking pretty. It’s about self-expression. So I want to hear why someone chose to wear the outfit they’re wearing and what it’s doing from a functional or artistic perspective. If the celebs themselves don’t have the knowledge to explain their wardrobe, they can either skip the red carpet or bring the designer along to help them. Just imagine hearing the designer themself explain their process - it would be a dream. At the very least I’d hope it would cut down on the number of major fashion houses that shove boring ( or worse, hideous) dresses on celebrities in the name of brand deals.

If an outfit looks boring or bad, I want someone to justify it to me. Explain the vision. If it’s not in the celebrity’s colour season, tell me why you made that choice - was the goal to seem disharmonious? To create a sense of severity or pallor? If it sits awkwardly on their body, tell me why it was cut the way it was. I know there’s a reason - Emma Stone’s look, for example, didn’t seem to suit her body well, but I can tell it’s intentional. Is it a reference to historical fashion? Is there a specific effect that they were going for? Just make me understand!

Hell, you know what, don’t just bring out the designers, bring out hair and makeup too, or a representative of all three. Fashion is such an underappreciated art, but red carpets could actually change that. They could force people to actually make an effort, to try to impress with their concepts rather than just their looks. Maybe it would even inspire a few celebrities to look for undiscovered talent in the hopes of really showing off.

Ah, who am I kidding. Brand deals will always win. But a girl can dream…

Cannes’ anti-nudity stance is obviously an attempt to make sure its red carpet stays respectable, but they’re going about it in the stupidest way I could possibly imagine. You know what’s really respectable? Knowledge. Thoughtfulness. Creativity. Everything that goes into a truly spectacular red carpet look. If we’re making rules, why not make some that teach about and promote art rather than restrict it?

You’d think people known for art like the French would know better - I know I used to.

Love-hate relationship, like I said.