Freaked Never Found Its Audience 

Freaked is a 1993 20th Century Fox movie directed by Alex Winter and Tom Stern. The script was written by Winter, Stern and Tim Burns. It stars Winter alongside Randy Quaid, William Sadler, Bobcat Goldthwait, Keanu Reeves, Mr. T, Brooke Shields, John Hawkes and John M. Chu. The movie features music by Butthole Surfers. On a budget of $12-million, it earned $29,296 at the box office.

The first thing you're probably wondering is, "What is Keanu Reeves doing in this?" The second thing is, "What happened at the box office?"

Reeves goes uncredited. Him and Winter had both starred in the Bill & Ted movies and if you watch Freaked you probably won't recognize him because he plays Dog Boy.

As for the box office, well, that requires some lore.

Winter had secured the $12-million budget from Joe Roth, an executive at Fox but Roth would later be replaced by Peter Chernin who did not like the movie or how much it cost. Declaring the film too "weird" after a bunch of bad test screenings, Chernin and Fox pulled the nationwide release for Freaked. The film only played in two theatres in the United States and was quickly shuffled to the aisles of Blockbuster. Winter, meanwhile, wouldn't direct a major film again for 20 years.

Upon release, obviously nobody saw this thing but it received some quality reviews. The New York Times called it one of the best comedies of the 90s. However, even today, though the movie has earned the label of "cult classic," I feel that it still doesn't have the audience it deserves.

This is the type of movie that should be played at least once a year at your favourite local independent theatre. It is what the definition of "Midnight Madness" should look like. Anyways, let's get into what this movie actually is.

In my experience, watching old comedies is a pretty risky endeavour. Of all things that age poorly, humour tends to be one of the worst offenders. Watching movies that were once considered hilarious like Porky's or Shallow Hal now feels borderline illegal. When I turned on Freaked, I was very worried that this would be more of the same.

How wrong I was. The title had me worried. The premise of a washed-up actor going to South America to promote a pesticide but then getting kidnapped by a mad scientist who mutates his body into a hideous gargoyle-like creature didn't ease my worries at all. Once it got going, it pretty quickly won me over.

The opening credits are absolutely insane. The punk music blasts and the hand-drawn graphics shift at a seizure-inducing pace. It was giving the energy of Heavy Metal. Not exactly the same, but the same kind of feeling.

The movie starts in classic 90s fashion. Our main character, Ricky Coogin, is on a talk show explaining his recent misadventures. Ricky is totally in the shadow, so we can't see what he looks like, a technical issue that the host of the show chalks up to a technical glitch. The entire movie unfolds as they work on fixing that dang light.

I can't tell you how many times I laughed out loud during this movie. I couldn't believe it. This stupid movie had me laughing like a hyena.

A lot of the jokes are kind of like dad jokes. They are jokes that make you sigh and think, "I can't believe you guys just made that joke." Like when a plane explodes on landing and Ricky (off screen) goes "Sure glad that wasn't our plane!" as the camera cuts to Ricky and his pal standing safely at the airport.

Because of the film's big budget, Freaked looks amazing even if the story is really stupid. The practical effects in this movie are enough to recommend it. I especially liked Nosey, but Dog Boy and Cowboy are also spectacular. Even Toad's long tongue was surprisingly delightful. I can only imagine how many hours these actors spent in the makeup trailer each day only for nobody to ever see this movie. Too bad.

That's one of the main reasons why I feel compelled to write this article. This movie deserves a bigger audience.

The film feels shockingly appropriate for modern audiences. I feel like dad jokes have had a resurgence in recent years. Additionally, some of its social themes are way too apt for a movie of this ridiculousness.

For one, there's a strong environmental message to this film. It's not like actually an environmental movie. However, the corpo goons that are the villains here are top-class evil, hellbent on exploiting the natural world for profit while turning innocent individuals into puppets thanks to the all-powerful dollar.

Additionally, there is surprisingly strong transgender messaging. Mr. T plays The Beared Lady and his origin story (sandwiched between the origin story of Sockhead and a hammer that was originally a wrench) is shockingly appropriate. His character visited the circus of the mad scientist one day and was asked if he would be better off if he didn't have a penis. Little did the mad scientist know that this is what that character had dreamed of for years. “When I arrived here, I was nothing like I am now. I was confused; a walking contradiction, and I was so full of questions.” Rather than run away, this character gives the mad scientist a big hug and voluntarily allows the transition to happen. Granted, the movie doesn't stick the landing, as when everything is reverted back to "normal" Mr. T is transformed back to a man rather than a woman, but, for 1993, I was impressed.

To go back to the dad jokes and gags for a minute, there are a few that I need to mention. Some of the top ones are Sockhead's death, where the sock is removed and revealled that his head is actually a hand and the hand dies, speaking his last words through the hand-mouth created between the thumb and the index knuckle as blood pours from his "mouth." There is also Stuey, the boy who is Ricky's #1 fan, who gets thrown through four plate-glass windows in a row. Or when Ricky tries to escape the mad scientist by dressing up as a milkman only to find out that all the other captured and mutated people are also trying to escape dressed as milkmen. "Twelve milkmen is theoretically possible. Thirteen is silly. Looks like there's one milkman too many, Coogin!"

It's not with out its aged problems. Are two eyeballs that tote machine guns and are Jamaican and referred to as RasatafarEyes racist? It's not not racist. Was I still laughing? How could I not? They give them Minions-esque voices while talking in a Jamaican patois while they both wear little rastacaps on their sclera. I mean, how am I supposed to not laugh? You expect me not to laugh when a Rasta eyeball shoots Sockhead then says, "Dat sock fulla holes, mon." I am only human!

There is a bit of sexism in the character of Ernie and his objectifying of women. However, Ernie gets his ironic karma as he is conjoined to Julie for a majority of the movie and has to sit in the bed next to her as she has sex with her latest love interest. He also has to feel her period cramps. So, justice served, I guess?

So, what's the moral here? The moral of the story is this. If your plan tonight is to get super stoned and watch something really stupid and weird, then the only movie you should consider watching is Freaked. If you want a good comedy that you've never seen before that will make you laugh out loud more than a few times, watch Freaked. If you are into movies with strange production history and have more lore off the screen than on, then watch Freaked. If you just want to see two gangster rastafarian eyeballs, watched Freaked.

Moral of the story? Watch Freaked.